Culture

Look At This Fucking Guy Who Got Banned From Starbucks

27 Jul , 2015  

rob rowen tamps starbucksSome men just want to watch the world burn. Others watch douchebags illegally park in handicap spots and then calls them out when they walk into a Starbucks and buy a $5 cup of hot bean water. Rob Rowen from Tampa, FL is the second type and it got him booted from a fucking Starbucks, most likely because he was offending the dickweed clientele who felt entitled to those parking spots.

“I saw someone park, and it was obvious they weren’t handicapped,” Rowen said. “There was no handicapped parking sticker. It wasn’t a handicapped plate. And so I said to him, ‘You’re parked in the one handicapped space, and you need to move your car.'”

To which I assume the Driver replied “PFFTTTTTTTTT” out of his or her giant face hole sphincter.

On one hand, Rob is kind of being a jerk- I mean, if nobody is using the handicap spot, why not just take it? But on the other hand, just walk 15 more fucking feet you lazy, incorrigible pile of flesh. So why does Rob do this? because, like a modern day 1980s Arnold Schwarzenegger, everything is personal.

“I care because I have a big heart,” he said. “I care because my son-in-law is one of those people who use those parking spots.”

And so they kicked him out. Some bullshit about rubbing their customers the wrong way. The ban has since been lifted, probably because its a pretty good sized PR gaffe, but Rob maintains that it wasn’t just about the coffee.

Starbucks HR released the following statement from behind their deadened iron gauze:

We are working with the landlord of the property where this store is located to improve the parking situation. It is our goal to provide a warm, friendly and positive experience for all of our customers

Gee, thanks Starbucks, that makes it all better.

 

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Walter Blake Knoblock By  -    
Walter Blake Knoblock is a lot of things. Follow him on twitter @WBKnoblock and on