800 pound shark

Satire

King Neptune Demands Extradition of South Carolina Shark Murderer

5 Aug , 2015  

800 pound shark

from wncn.com

King Neptune, Fearless Despot of the Ravaging Deep, has demanded the extradition of South Carolina Shark Fisherman Mark Huff.

“HE HAST THOU COMMITTED A MOST HEINOUS CRIME AND THEN ABSCONDED FROM OUR AQUATIC NATION” he was heard, bellowing form the murky depths, “AND NOW HE MUST BE BROUGHT BACK TO FOR PUNISHMENT WHICH WILL BE EITHER BEING TORN APART BY STARVED SEA URCHINS OR STUCK IN A BELUGA’S ANUS UNTIL ASPHYXIATION”.

The decree comes after recent events in Africa where their king also demanded the extradition of an American Dentist, charged with shooting Cecil, the beloved Lion that never harmed anybody and was protected by the continent’s single governing board.

No word from yet from the Obama camp who, admittedly, was not aware that America recognized the sovereignty of King Neptune’s empire.

“I thought he wasn’t real” a sheepish Obama said, “and after meeting with him, I have to say, he seemed way nicer in The Little Mermaid.”

Mark Huff could not be reached for comment, even when asked if it was totally necessary to still pose like a douchebag with his fish way ahead of him even though his catch is larger than most automobiles, and is reportedly spending all day responding to “Facebook Haters” who cannot fathom why a man would go out and hunt down a defenseless 800-pound bull shark, let alone post his murderous rampages across social media as if slaying the 13-foot paleolithic throwback was something to brag about.

Walter Blake Knoblock By  -    
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