Entertainment, Humor

2Chainz: Cultural Icon and Satirist Extraordinaire

29 Jan , 2013  


I was driving to buy some rock salt from the gas station the other day (Michigan winters, am I right?) when “I’m Different”, by the revered and dignified music artist 2Chainz ,came on the radio. You’ve probably heard it- he says “I’m different” about 75 times and then talks about having sex and doing drugs and, at first, I was really mad. I was like “2Chainz, I don’t think you know what different means”. For about 3 minutes he was talking about the same things that almost every rap song on the radio I heard outlined and not that it’s necessarily bad to laud an indulgence of the world’s more, eh, primitive options for gratification, but to say that doing so makes you different is, well, a bit ridiculous.

 

But then I realized that I was the one being ridiculous, not Mr. Chainz. He wasn’t SERIOUSLY trying to make us think that he was different from any of the other mainstream rappers that are more like human examples of corporate commoditization than the actual artists of lyrical expression who have made hip-hop and rap such powerful mediums! Much like the famed Irishman Jonathan Swift, 2 is using the power of satire to promote his message. When he says

I don’t feel good, but my trigger happy/
But the stripper happy, but they wish had me

He’s not really saying that he often becomes so intoxicated on drugs and alcohol that he becomes violently ill! He’s not continuing to say that, through his ailment, he still manages to fatally wound people/impress exotic dancers! He’s saying that every single rapper in the game talks about that stuff to a point where, even though every bit of it is ludicrous and completely impossible for a human, it loses it’s meaning and is completely diluted and unrecognizable from anything around it.

2Chainz, pump the breaks buddy, society can only take so much mind-boggling intellect at a time.

2Cheezy (can I call you that?), I think I owe you an apology. I had you and your song all wrong. At first, I thought you were just another fad rapper who was wasting his ephemeral moments of spotlight glorifying things that not only don’t deserve the attention but also have been exalted for generations by the rappers before you. I was going to remind you of the Ying-Yang Twinz and about how far they’ve fallen. I think I saw D-Roc at Taco Bell the other day, wasted at 2 pm and facedown in a bean burrito. I was gonna say “hey man, don’t like like them. Stop being all ‘She got a big booty / So I call her big booty’ and maybe add a bit of substance to your music” BUT YOU ARE! I was so naive and quick to jump to conclusions that I ignored the slick culture critique you deftly slipped onto every top 40 radio station in the country. You have opened our eyes, and for that I thank you. 2Chainz, if I had enough money, I would buy you a third chain, that’s how much I appreciate you. You are my shining star.

 

Sincerely,

A Guy Who TOTALLY Doesn’t Get Satire

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Walter Blake Knoblock By  -    
Walter Blake Knoblock is a lot of things. Follow him on twitter @WBKnoblock and on